So You Think You’re ‘Talking’ — But Are You?
If you wonder what this thing you’re doing is called, you might be in a situationship. Research from YouGov says more than one-third of U.S. adults have been stuck in one. The number rises to half for people aged 18 to 34. Most started their so-called “thing” in person, but social media and apps play a growing role. Americans, especially younger ones, treat situationships like a regular phase in dating.
The biggest sign: nothing in your “relationship” feels settled. Labels? No. Conversations about the future? Ghosted. When Urban Dictionary describes it as “emotional trauma in a gift box,” you know it’s something messy. Research found 72 percent of people in these setups admit they never really knew where they stood. Many young adults say the stress makes it hard to work well or stay calm.
Anxiety with a Side of Breadcrumbs
If you feel anxious or bored, you’re not alone. Over two-thirds of people say situationships leave them confused and stressed. One study found 45 percent said they got bored after weeks of predictable hangouts — the usual, “come over, Netflix, leave before sunrise” rhythm.
Toxic habits pop up often. There’s manipulation, lying, or one-sided effort, like canceling plans or keeping you as a backup. Bread-crumbing is common: they text when lonely but ignore you when busy with others. Ninety percent of your chats are small talk and memes. You almost never go deep. If things turn sexual, the confusion does not disappear; in fact, it can worsen.
People’s reasons for sticking around may include not wanting to be alone, hoping things move forward, or getting caught up in sexual attraction. Many end up feeling used or doubt themselves when the “connection” stalls.
Having Choices: When Labels Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All
Relationship labels are not for everybody. Some people want marriage, some stick to friends with benefits, and others move toward open relationships, polyamory, or even want no strings attached hookups. It depends on what works for each person. Today, people talk openly about different setups. Media, podcasts, and group chats all show how much personal choice now shapes what love looks like.
Having options can mean freedom but also stress. One person may be looking for a traditional relationship while the other picks something casual like no strings attached or a situationship. This can lead to mismatched goals very quickly. If you feel stuck with someone who avoids labels or keeps things casual, know that there are plenty of ways people structure their love lives. The trick is to pick what lines up with your own values.
When Should You Get Out?
If you lose sleep over someone who is always “busy,” or if their stories change each week, that’s a signal. People in situationships often report worse sleep and rising stress levels, with studies showing higher nighttime stress markers and even more acne linked to emotional confusion. More than half say their “thing” made them question their self-worth or caused them to stress at work or school.
Pop culture is full of these stories. Emily Ratajkowski’s breakup with Eric André turned into a TikTok roadmap for public situationship exits. Gigi Hadid and Leonardo DiCaprio’s interactions at public events showed what many called “mixed signals”— cuddling with no hard definition. The movie “500 Days of Summer” and new TV shows now center stories on this kind of undefined drama.
Want Out? Read This Before You Block Them
Therapists say start with honesty. Use plain words. Tell them you want something clear, or you’re done. If there’s manipulation or you feel unsafe, keep conversations short — or only talk by text. Many people find it helps to mute or block the person after leaving. Studies say eighty percent who did this moved on faster.
Some people try to draw things out physically, but 63 percent keep sleeping together for weeks after the “breakup,” which can make moving on harder, both emotionally and physically. Social media often pushes people back into bad habits, with TikToks teaching “ghosting schedules” and public unfollowing as a sign to end it for good.
Money can add drama. Close to a third of people in these situationships share expenses or pets, and getting out can mean legal fights or going to court for your stuff.
Therapy is not shameful. Therapists report that nearly 70 percent of people who leave situationships gain better boundaries and no longer blame themselves. If you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people, get help learning why.
Remote workers and city dwellers are more likely to report career setbacks, work stress, and juggling multiple situationships at once. Tokyo’s “marriage hunting” business complains nobody wants to settle, and they blame this on the rise of “casual first” dating among young people.
The Bottom Line So Far
A situationship can be a phase or a red flag. If you’re losing sleep, joy, or money, it’s time to say what you want and leave if you do not get it. Labels are tools, not rules. Don’t let anyone sell you on confusion — choose what works for you, and keep it moving.
