Sometimes life, after losing someone, can feel impossible, you will go through various stages of grief, and often you will feel helpless and hopeless. It’s a shock to the system, and knowing you won’t ever see that person again can be a hard thought to process. It does, however, get better. Once you begin to accept the situation and listen to your feelings, you can begin to heal and feel hopeful about your future, however hard that may be to envisage at first. While people often say time is a great healer, and I do believe it is, I do think that some deaths are something you don’t ever get over; rather, you learn to cope with the pain of the loss more as time goes on.
There are steps you can take to help you deal with the sorrow and the pain; it’s important that you don’t let your own health suffer and you address your emotions. Your loved one would not want you to suffer and would want you to lead a happy, fulfilling life as much as I’m sure they would wish that they’d be beside you doing that. These steps could make the world of difference…
DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS
Whatever you do, don’t keep your feelings locked up, let it all out. Cry, laugh, scream, and don’t worry about what other people think. You have to do what’s right for you and pretending to be ok won’t help you heal. If you want to cry, cry. If you don’t want to cry, that’s ok too. Not everyone has a natural reaction of crying, and that doesn’t mean that you’re not upset or that you don’t care. We all deal with these situations differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you’re struggling to express how you’re feeling, writing it down can often help and is therapeutic for some. I did this when my paternal grandmother passed away and I do think that it helped me to process how I was feeling. I remember I started writing to her as though she was still here, like a postcard, then I would write about the pain I felt at her loss and then as time went on I would write about the happy things that I remembered about her as I was looking back fondly on memories with her.
Having a solid support system around you during a time of loss can really help you to move forward. Try not to lock yourself away, speak to the ones close to you, make arrangements for coffee or a cinema date, even if you don’t really want to. Getting out of the house and spending time with others can really help to make you feel less alone and it’s also nice to be able to talk to someone about your emotions and how you’re feeling, or even just to take your mind off things. If you’d rather discuss with someone impartial, then you could also think about contacting a bereavement counsellor for additional support. However you deal with your emotions, you don’t have to do it alone and there are plenty of mental health charities available that I talked about on my blog as well, if you feel as though its all getting a bit too much.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Food, exercise, vitamins, medication and sleep might not be the most important things on your mind during this time of loss, but maintaining your health and taking care of yourself should still be a top priority as it helps to ensure you’re in best shape both physically and mentally to be able to overcome challenges that come your way while you’re grieving. You might have lots of sort out following a death but you still need to make time to take care of you. Make sure you’re getting plenty of sleep, eating well and taking time out to relax. Run a bubble bath, get lost in a book or simply head out for a walk and fresh air. Clearing your mind, as hard as it may seem, can be very beneficial.
SPEAK TO AN EXPERT
There is often a lot to do when someone passes away and those left behind can find it a struggle especially when emotions are running high. Its easy for families and friends to fall out when plans aren’t in place. Appointing a good funeral director can really take a lot of the stress away but finding a good one can be the daunting part. Plus, I always find that if you don’t know someones wishes fully, it adds extra stress as, naturally, you want them to have the best send off that they can. Although hindsight is a wonderful thing, dealing with funeral plans can be a hard and emotional task, which is why it’s a good idea to speak to an expert who can provide you with all the help you need in comparing funeral plans and understanding the options available to you while you’re fit and well. It’s something that my dad has in place to make things easier for me in the future, even though that’s a very long way off for him and its something that I’ll look to do for myself when I can afford to as well. You can compare plans online, find a funeral director who suits you and your needs and gain a better understanding of the funeral process from start to finish. They can also help you to find the best value for money and keep fees down. Taking care of your life in this way isn’t something thats premature, its a way that you can logically and sensibly prepare for the future, however many tens of years the inevitable may be away.
It’s a truly heart-breaking process to go through, but don’t be afraid to reach out to your nearest and dearest, seek help if you feel you need it and take care of yourself.